Lucky Star on Crack
by OccasionallyDamned
Summary: Crack-fic, don't take it seriously, it's just a bit of fun. Warning: Hints of lesbianism, some swearing, huge character derailment. Read it.


-1 Lucky Star On Crack

Your favourite Characters Derailed and Butchered.

**AN: I wrote this with my sister via MSN, and this is the result. Her Penname is ObsessiveDevil23. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Lucky Star. Be glad.**

Kagami awoke with a feeling of dread; today was not going to be a good day, she could feel it in her hair. Across from her, she saw a long line of blue hair, She remembered she'd let Konata stay over last night, she didn't remember why she was in her bed though. Konata turned over and grabbed Kagami around the waist, using her as a human teddy bear.

For a moment, Kagami couldn't help but smile, until she remembered why she was dreading the day. Today was her birthday, and well... Tsukasa was a little HYPER when it came to their birthday.

Almost as if on cue, the door to her bedroom burst open to reveal a screaming Tsukasa, yelling and raving about... something, Kagami couldn't quite understand what she was saying but she knew she should be scared. She grabbed Konata and used her as a sleeping, human shield as she battled her way out of her bedroom and far, far away...

All the way, in fact, to Ms. Kuroi's house, God knows why she ended up there, but she did. She put Konata down on the doorstep, rang the bell, and legged it around the corner. Ms. Kuroi opened her door to see a rather large blue parcel on her doorstep, it took her a moment to realise it was Konata, in her nighty, and nothing else... She blushed. And then she dragged the child inside and shoved her on the sofa, going back to playing her game.

Ten hours later.

Kagami was sat at the kitchen table having dinner with her family. Tsukasa had a chicken on her head. No one really knew why Tsukasa had a chicken on her head, they just looked at her strangely before getting back to the festivities.

Tsukasa pulled out her phone; calling Konata, who threw it at Ms Kuroi.

"ANSWER IT BITCH!"

"NO WOMAN!!!! YOU ANSWER IT BEFORE I GET A TUTRLE TO SHAG YOU UP THE ASS!"

Konata just looked at her teacher in shock, before grinning slyly and winking.

Ms Kuroi le gasped, and then answered the phone, making her way over to Konata and pulling the girl on to her lap.

"Nanako speaking."

Some unintelligible rambling came from the other end of the line,

"hmmm?" replied Nanako to the ramblings, then Konata snatched the phone away.

"My phone..." she stopped and smirked, leaning up to whisper in her teachers ear. "Sen~sei."

Nanako simply grunted in response, either not noticing or pretending not to notice the tone of the Otaku's voice. Konata pouted, shifting so she was more in view of her teacher, and then put the phone to her ear.

"What do you want Tsukasa?"

More rambling.

"Oh really, that's SOOOO interesting. Look, I'm gunna go have smexy time with Nanako now, see ya later."

Kuroi just choked on her rice.

Konata was wondering where the rice came from, but leant forward and ate some anyway; Tsukasa hung up on the other end of the line.

"Sis! Konata and Ms Kuroi are having Smexy time! Shall we go join in?"

"Tsukasa... No." Kagami replied, suddenly very scared as to what Konata had been telling her sister when she wasn't around. And secretly wishing she COULD go join in.

But not with Tsukasa. 'Cuz that would be gross.

Back at Kuroi's house, Konata was getting a little imaginative with the rice. Nanako gulped, then leant over and picked up the phone.

"Yui? I need to borrow an outfit? Why...? Can it held against me in a court of law?"

'What the hell is she talking about?' Konata thought to herself. "Pay attention to MMEEEE!" she pouted, taking the phone away and chucking it across the room.

"Erm..." Was all Kuroi could say.

Back at Tsukasa and Kagami's house...

Tsukasa still had a chicken on her head, when the doorbell rang. She went to answer it, and pulled open the door to see Miyuki.

For a moment, Miyuki considered asking her friend why, exactly, she was wearing her dinner, but wisely decided against it. Tsukasa giggled manically, starting her rambling again, and let Miyuki inside.

"Miyuki!" Kagami yelled, running to her friend and giving her a big hug, "help..."

Miyuki blinked in surprise at her friend, and smiled politely at the other occupants of the room.

"Of course Kagami-san, what do you need help with?"

"... Miyuki, Tsukasa's wearing a chicken! On her head!"

Miyuki nodded.

"Yes. I noticed."

"Get me out of here!"

Miyuki nodded again, sympathetically.

"Why don't we go to Konata's house?"

"She isn't there..."

Miyuki inwardly swore, then outwardly swore, making Kagami gape.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE ISNT THERE? THE LITTLE WHORE? WHERE IS SHE THEN? HUH? HUH?"

Kagami backed away, scared by this new side of her innocent, kind friend. "Miyuki..."

Miyuki, who had flames dancing around her, cackled madly and took off in to the house.

"Oh, hello dear." Mrs. Hiiragi said, totally oblivious to the aura of menace and horror coming from kind, sweet Miyuki.

Miyuki cackled gleefully, snatching at Mrs Hiiragi's hair and clothes. "KONATA WILL PAY FOR HER SINS!!!! YOU MARK MY WORDS PRIESTESS OF KASUKABE!!!! SHE'LL PAY AND BURN IN HELL!!!! MWAHAHAHAA!!!!!!!!!!"

"Ok dear."

And so, Miyuki terrorized the Hiiragis, Kagami eventually went insane and joined in the fun, Konata and Nanako had lots of smexy time, and Tsukasa _still _has a chicken on her head.


End file.
